Adolescent Turmoil
A Parents’ Guide to Navigating the Teenage Years.
Just mention the word “teenager” and a parent will immediately begin to worry. It is a period of intense physical, emotional, and intellectual growth that has the potential to cause upheaval for many families.
Unpredictable mood swings and rebellious behavior become the norm making it difficult for parents to discern the root cause of the issue.
Frequently teens grapple with egocentric insecurities, “they don’t think much of themselves, they just think of themselves all the time.” This distorted perception of reality leads to relationship drama with family members and within peer groups. They are often experimenting with different looks and identities as they try to locate themselves and validate where they fit.
It’s during the adolescent period, somewhere between ages 10-19, that children will strive to achieve maximum independence. To do this, they may begin pulling away from their parents (especially the parent whom they're the closest to), giving some parents a sense of loss because “they don’t want to be around us” and for others it can be a constant source of conflict over tested boundaries.
Harvard Health tackles the subject of the adolescent brain in the article “Beyond Raging Hormones.” For generations parents of adolescents have lamented over the emotional state of their teenagers. "What's the matter with kids today?" Why are they so often confused, annoying, demanding, moody, defiant, reckless? The article states that anxiety, depression, accidental deaths, homicides, and binge drinking spike in the teenage years. It is the time of life when psychosis, eating disorders, and addictions are most likely to take hold. Their research states that clashes between teenagers and their environment may be rooted in uneven brain development. The brain goes through rapid changes in shape, in size and how it works during adolescence. Their ability to manage emotions is in flux.
The question remains, how do we navigate the alarming landmines of our teens developing brain without emotional and structural damage.
A good place to start is by educating yourself, we are fortunate to be a generation of information technology. Knowledge is powerful, take advantage of credible sites like Mayo Clinic Health.
Following are nine simple tips they offer for parenting tween and teen
Show Your Love
Set reasonable expectations
Set rules and consequences
Avoid ultimatums
Be clear and concise
Explain your decisions
Be reasonable
Be flexible
Prioritize rules
While it is important to consistently enforce your rules, you can occasionally make exceptions when it comes to matters such as homework habits and bedtime. Pick your battles and save your objections for things that really matter.
Prioritizing rules will give you and your teen a chance to practice negotiating and compromising. However, consider beforehand how far you are willing to bend. Do not negotiate when it comes to restrictions imposed for your teen's safety, such as substance abuse, sexual activity, or reckless driving. Make sure your teen knows that you will not tolerate tobacco, alcohol, or other drugs.
Be cautious as it may be hard to differentiate between typical teen angst and depression, or mood swings due to drug use. Watch for key signs such as extreme weight loss or gain, falling grades, drastic changes in personality or sudden change in friends. Listen for key indicators even in their attempted humor.
If you are concerned about your teenager engaging in harmful activity, consider consulting your physician or behavioral health specialist at TEAM
https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/tween-and-teen-health/in-depth/parenting-tips-for-teens/art-20044693
https://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/the-adolescent-brain-beyond-raging-hormones